Friday, October 29, 2010

Rainy Day reflections

G'day all!

It is nearly the end of breast cancer awareness month. Yep, you read it, MONTH. Not day, not week. I guess that is how rampant this disease is. It needs a whole month.

Of course we should also have a month for cardiovascular disease because that is still the greatest killer or certainly in the top three for people in Australia, New Zealand, Britain and America (I'm guessing Canada is right up there too and parts of Europe as well, but I don't know about anywhere else).

2410_grevcham

I've read a few other blogs written by people with breast cancer. Some are angry with their boobs for being so naughty and trying to kill them.

On reflection, I am not angry with mine. It has put me through hell this year but I can't be angry with the poor thing. It is now scarred, has a chunk out of it between 9 and 11pm, parts of it are numb, and topping it off, it has a ripper sunburn, or so it would look. How can I be angry with it?

Now I am a little cranky with myself for not picking it up earlier but as it turns out, it was very deep - about as deep as it could go. I did my checks every month and detected something but I had a something on the other side too, and the other side is normal tissue. It was only when the lymph node came up and then I found the lump that I realised mebbe I shoulda gotten those lumpy bits checked out. But I did have a full check up in July 16 months ago and the doc didn't think there was anything to worry about either - I had quite symmetrical lumpy bits.

Crap happened, it happened to me, hopefully I can physically get over it as well as mentally.

Doh, just broke my bad thumbnail off. My thumb tip looks quite bizarre without a nail on it I have about half of it left and it hasn't hurt the quick or anything. I am wondering whether I should get some fake nails to stick on over the half busted ones. My nails are growing out quite nicely but they have another month or two to go before I can trim off the nasty stuff.

Before I finish this random post-cancer treatment whine, I must mention my shoulder/neck. They treated the "supraclavicular fossa" also known as the hollow above your collarbone - that being the place where the cancerous cells would be found next on their way through the lymphatic system. Well I slathered aloe gel on the area. What I didn't realise is that they treat all the way out to the end of the collarbone and below it too.

2810_radburn

Isn't that a pretty shape for the bad burn? When I illustrated how I slapped on the aloe gel, my husband said, "Stop, do that again."

Turns out that the white mark with the stripes on either side is close to the same shape as one of my fingers. It could be total coincidence or it could be that I slapped the gel on consistently in the same places and missed half the area I should've treated...

Today was a particularly dull day. It rained a bit early but cleared so I went out in search of lime thread at lunchtime. Didn't find any thread, did find $10 bath sheets (aka oversized towels) and umm Spotlight has a clearance sale on some quilting fabrics. And it was 50% off any orange tagged item. Ooops. Wish I hadn't gone, but at least the damage was only $20 and I got some very nice (for Spotlight) material. I was glad of the towels when I left cos it was persisting down! I went into the Rivers outlet store and bought myself a $10 top. It is quite pretty, slightly short waisted for me but for $10 I am not complaining (and it is a size 10 too! But I am not a size 10 except in the USA, where I ended up taking between an 8 and a 9 in pants!!!).

It was raining even harder when I left the outlet store. I had hoped it might ease back a bit. There was a river running through the carpark - glad I didn't have to cross it on foot cos it was about ankle deep.

I think I soaked a pedestrian - I didn't see the huge puddle in time - it looked like part of the road and I hit it at a safe speed but not slow enough to stop a spray of water splashing out. Sorry, dude! Here's a rose to say sorry. It is yellow cos I didn't stop....

2410_grahamthomas

When I got home, I put a small container outside to catch some rain - my rain gauge is out of action currently as it needs a new pole to sit on. I put the container out at 4pm. At 9pm it had 53mm of rain in it. That is 10mm per hour, a total of just over 2 inches, and that doesn't include the first hour of rain. Crikey!

I basted the new quilt and started quilting it - diagonal lines I decided would be excellent. After about four hours of sewing (I have no idea how some people can quilt something 1.5m square in a night), I discovered that the last time I put the bobbin in, it hadn't caught through the tensioner properly. Dangnabbit, now I have to unpick about 5 lines, and some of them are the longest ones on the quilt....Then I have to re-quilt them. I missed a party cos I thought I could get it done.

2410_posstheprince

Today is also a day of reflection for different reasons. Mum would've turned 80 today. Eighty. That's old. But she only got to sixty. I'm still a bit crabby with her about that - if she had not been so proud and so indignant about the bowel screening she was supposed to do, she might still be here. She'd not be happy with my situation but then again who is? 8-} (Now I'll be happy if I get to 60 cos it means I'll probably get a bit older than that, and 60 is not old. Not these days.) I never saw her get old - it is hard to imagine that my mother would've become old and frail (though I saw her age rapidly as the cancer took hold). She would've probably taken on old age like she took on everything else - my mother was not one for holding back. I wonder if she would've still been blonde? Or would she have faded to white?

When I saw this material on the Fat Quarter Shop website, I wanted it. I still want it but I don't think I'll splash out. It is very reminiscent of Mum, namewise and colourwise - she liked a bit of brights splashed against black.

Anyway, she's been dead nearly 20 years now, and I still miss her. I miss going shopping with her, I miss being kicked in the pants (figuratively) by her. But I do have some of her irises still - they are going strong many years after she got them :-)

2410_mumsirises

anon!

4 comments:

  1. It's hard when we lose our Mum's too soon. (I'm not sure that any of us are ever really ready to say goodbye, but 60 is certainly too soon to have to do so). My mum would also have turned 80 this year, and I still miss her after 35 years - especially at signifiant times of joy or sorrow. I like to think that it's a testimony to how important Mum's are, that we never stop missing them.

    Hope your burnt bits soon heal up, and that the road to recovery continues smoothly

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  2. It's always sad wondering what might have been. It would have been my mum's 61st birthday a few days ago, and I often find myself wondering what she'd think of how I grew up, or what she'd say about the things I've done. At least I'm glad that memory allows us to take an educated guess at these things.

    I laughed out loud at the "it is yellow cos I didn't stop..."

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  3. I hope your burn is getting better! My sister's was awful -- terrible blister/wound, she needed a very large bandage for a while -- and in a location that's always rubbed by clothing.

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  4. Rainy days are good for reflections both of the pretty in the water kind and the turbulent in the mind type. The flower photos are beautiful and having been on the receiving end of someone driving too close to the side of the road when pushing the pram I appreciate your apology :-)

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