Thursday, May 12, 2005

Still got the blues

G'day all!

Well not such a perfect day but really nothing that a good whinge can't fix. LOL

With today's title, I now have Gary Moore's fab guitar riff wailing through my head. Man I liked that song! Can't find a good link to it.

No Nathan again tonight. He was home last night - Wednesdays are one of his three nights in a row out normally. Thursday night is craft night but X had to go and get a bit of paper saying she is competent after doing a workplacement for her fitness certificate III. She wanted someone to go for a drive with her to get it, but she didn't want me to go. "I'll go," I said, and she ignored me cos she wanted I or J to go with her instead. Sorta makes you feel a bit flat and a bit unwanted. Feeling unwanted is one of the best buttons to push to make me sad. OK, I admit it. Really rather sad. Like as if I don't have feelings. I know that I am expected to have been a lot sadder about my father dying but like he was so old and tired and ready to go, how could I stop him? Shouldn't I have been glad to know him even a little and be thankful that his passing was a lot easier than Mum's or my aunt's?

I'm a bit sad already cos I don't have a mum or a dad anymore, and a bit stressed cos I have to have an icky medical procedure, and quite a bit stressed cos if I never had to go back to work ever again I'd be happy but I have to go to work to keep us with a roof over our head and money to spend. It is time for me to move on from where I am but I can't find anything that anyone wants me for. I think I'm a shoo-in for the job and I never even hear from them, even if they express interest when I call them about the job before putting an app in. I think my resume makes the point that I am really good at research and analysis and fixing things but maybe it doesn't. I can't afford to go down any more than $10K a year in pay cos otherwise we will struggle to pay the rent and bills and feed ourselves and the cats. Yes I am on a pretty good wicket where I am.

Here's a pic I promised the other day. The brown corriedale.


I don't have a pic of the other yarn, the strong one with the aqua silk spun into it. I am going to call it labradorite after some stones I found in a gem shop. They look like dirty grey creek water until you get them on the right angle and then they flash colours (mine mostly show up sky blues and aquas). If you follow the link, check out the nails on the chick holding the rocks. And also check out what the metaphysical properties of the rocks are. Apparently they dispell negative energy. Crikey, I have two on my computer keyboard at work and they obviously aren't up to the task!

Here's a couple of pics of the tulips work sent me. They are in the dining room and I walked in one morning not so long after sunrise and here they were, lit up like christmas trees, or at least tulips. Two pics cos I like the framing of both of them.





Finally, it may be May and it may be only 10 degrees outside, but the capsicum (bell pepper) is still grimly hanging on with a load of fruit!



(hmm actually it looks pretty happy, doesn't it? I bet a frost will knock it around, though we don't get many frosts here. Feels like we are working on a frost at the moment though.)

OK, whinge over. Thank heavens for K putting up with me cos otherwise I'd be really flat!

anon!

1 comment:

  1. Cut yourself some slack, girl.
    Grief has this strange way of working itself out through whatever our current weak spots are - your sadness at the loss of your Dad, and the earlier losses it brings to mind, quite naturally makes smaller everyday griefs loom larger. And it's fine to miss someone, and be sad about them dying, even when they were old and tired and ready to go.
    Keep spinning that beautiful yarn and knit up a storm.
    BTW - I only live a few kms from you - if you fancy taking our knitting out for coffee on Saturday, drop me a line.

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