Fare thee well, cruel May

G'day all!

Life in the freezer continues here at Weedhaven. Yep, I am huddled under Nathan's lurid purple acrylic fur blanket to warm up.

To occupy myself, I have started a toe up sock using these instructions by Denise Powell. Man, it is really hard to start these socks, very fiddly, and I now find I have twisted the stitches on one side or the other of the start. Oh well, live and learn. Who will be able to see? Are you going to visit me and make me show off my socks? At least my feet don't smell as bad as Nathan's often do! LOL! I think it has taken me no longer to do the cast on and twist the stitches badly than it would to do a provisional cast on and short row toe. I am using some Lorna's Laces in sassy stripe. It is very pink and yellow/orange.

BTW, whoever said that the Fonz is looking good still after seeing the 30th reunion of Happy Days is a LIAR! LI-AAAAR! (Pants on fire! or I'm not a vitch, I'm your vife!) I saw Henry Winkler on "Crossing Jordan" last night. Man, that guy has shark eyes - dark and flat. And his mouth looks like he's spent the last 30 years sucking on a prune or an egg. So that is what the Fonz would look like now?

Has anyone noticed yet that I blather when I am nervous? I am in good company there - Steph and Laurie both blather too. LOL.

Hopefully tomorrow morning will have some sunny breaks, or at least the cloud will break up a bit cos it has been quite gloomy for most of the day. If we get some better light, I will take some pics of the stuff I have been doing recently. It has just been so dreary that I fear the camera will have to run such a slow shutter that the pics will be blurred. I wish it would rain MORE! MORE! We need more rain. It was not very warm either. Currently it is 10 degrees (50F). Yep, we are wusses here! The coldest days in a Melbourne winter reach a max of about 8 degrees, but those are the exception rather than the rule. We start complaining if the max drops below 15 (60F). If snowflakes flutter past our windows on the worst wintry days, we all rush to the windows to look because we know they won't get anywhere near the ground. Grass still grows, albeit slowly, in Melbourne in winter. My Canadian team mate loves it here cos she can go jogging all year round, safe in the knowledge that she may get a wee bit cold if she goes too slow but she won't get frostbite!

Awooga! colon prep follows. Read at own peril

This bit comes last. It is about my colonoscopy prep. It is really for me to remember what happens. This won't be the last colonoscopy I have I fear, unles I get run over by a bus or something real bad happens....

Have I confessed to be a hopeless bibbling idiot when I am faced with a new situation, especially one involving medical stuff? I have never been good with anything involving hospitals or medical tests. I hate visiting people in hospitals. I even get toey about having blood tests. I get white coat hypertension visiting the doctor.

11:55 am OK. We have survived nearly three hours without eating. The apple juice is yummy, though I have no idea how well I'll feel after drinking most of two litres of it today. I often bloat up if I have much fruit. The lime juice cordial is limey and sorta sour. I am used to having it with soda water (which I loathe because it is bitter. I can't stand bitter). I haven't tried the chicken "broth" yet. I think I will have to dilute it somewhat cos at the moment it looks awfully like chicken jelly. I think three chicken carcases and not enough water may have something to do with that. I am trying to shove as much fluid into me as possible - they say a glass of water every hour. I am not good at drinking stuff - always been a bit of a camel.

1PM. Where is lunch? I am very hungry. (this is to become a very familiar theme over the next day I feel.) Am now overhydrated. Pit stops required no more than every 45 minutes.mm, time to see if the chicken "broth" is edible. I am getting quite hungry and am starting to demonstrate that my fluid balance is on the overhydrated side of euhydrated.

Chicken "broth" reconstituted to be fluid. Smells like armpits (not sweaty manly ones, just like armpits) and tastes pretty bland. I am now hungrier after spooning it into my mouth for 15 minutes than I was before, possibly because stomach was expecting "food" not runny watery stuff with not much in it.

At present I am reminding myself of the lovely silver tabby in the ?whiskas? ad, where she checks her food bowl and says "disaster" when she sees it is empty.

3PM. Got the hungry shakes.

5 PM. I make up the Picolax. It makes the bowel wriggle more. Helps expel faecal matter. Joy! The directions say stir until it stops effervescing. I stir it for 10 minutes before it only gives the tiniest little fizz. It is like an aspirin or a berocca that just WILL NOT STOP fizzing. Over the next 10 minutes, after it stops effervescing, I drink it. It tastes like oddly salty (like not the normal salty taste) lemon and ginger. Not too bad but not my favourite tipple.

I gather together the pattern book for the pink top, the back and the front of the pink top (the back to knit and the front to simply check for consistency in decreases, etc), the Yarnharlot's book, Pride and Prejudice, and the third issue of Cloth, Paper, Scissors, and put them in a bag in the toot. I have been warned that I am likely to be spending some time in there.

6:30pm. I can already see that I am not well suited to this fasting bizzo. I have not had anything to eat for 9.5 hours at this stage and it is starting to really bite, so to speak. I am constantly hungry, except when i feel nauseated by the prep I have to drink. I am cranky and jealous of the cats cos they get to eat all they can stuff into themselves. All I want is a decent bit of food to eat! And I won't be able to eat for at least another 20 hours. Crikey, I'll be a quivering pile of hypoglycaemic jelly by then! My apple juice is nice, my chicken stock is lousy and I have some jelly awaiting my pleasure once it sets. Yes, you can have jelly when it is runny but it isn't as fun.

Gut is making various gurgling noises that I associate with displeasure at something it has been fed. Only it has not been fed anything bar chicken stock and apple juice and some lime juice cordial (diluted of course!). I wonder if this is the start of the purging effect?

I am going to be the sole cause of Melbourne going back onto stage two water restrictions. Plus my undercarriage is getting a bit sore from all the peeing.

7PM. Time to start drinking the colonlytely. I have to drink a glass of this every 15 minutes over an hour. It is likely to make me feel nauseous. Like more nauseous? Ick!

Colonlytely tastes like Gastrolyte. I have a feeling it won't have the same effect though. I saw what it did when I was making it and I know what the constituents are. It is basically an overdose of a fibre-type drink. Plus it has an active ingredient that means that water is held in the bowel and not absorbed. So between it and the stuff that makes your colon wriggle a lot, you get a very good purging effect. It hasn't made me bloated or nauseated. I am no longer ravenously hungry either.

Glass one done. It is making me feel cold cos it has been in the fridge. Better go load up the second glass and then quiver over the heater to warm up.

I can expect some real effects pretty much anytime now, but more likely some time after 8pm.

My stomach thinks it is getting food. It is not so desperately hungry at present, or maybe it recognises that I am feeding it stuff that is no good as food!

Second glass on the way down. I already need to pee again. My poor kidneys are working overtime! I should be able to tell you what is happening in them at present. Anti-diuretic hormone (ADH) is most definately switched off at present, which means that vasopressin must be turned on to ensure that as much water that can be excreted is excreted. Salts will be mostly being held in the body, but our kidneys are not very efficient, so a fair amount of salts are going down the toot. Sheep and other camellids are much better at concentrating their urine.

7:20pm. A thunderstorm has erupted in my gut. The noises are quite impressive. I wish the colonlytely was not so cold. It is not very warm in here and drinking 4 degree fluid is not helping.

Hmm, we are starting to have some effects... this will interfere quite possibly with the colonlytely ingestion becaue I refuse to sit on the toot and drink at the same time.

Instructions from the endoscopy mob do not say I can have approved clear fluids after the colonlytely. Colonlytely instructions say I can. Just as well too cos I am going to get very hungry!

7:30pm. Glass three. The waiting game is killing me! So is the c-c-cold!

7:50pm. Last glass is nearly done. Need to pee really badly AGAIN! OOH, sudden effect noticed in toot. Wow! That was really runny and jet propelled!

8:20pm. Golly! I think the "intestinal broom" effect is well underway! Wow! Like I don't feel as sick as I did when the antibiotics severely disagreed with me but it is impressively squirty! I am glad I wheeled the convection heater halfway into the toot. Me and my poor bare botty are no longer so cold when enthroned. I thought I would have really crampy pains but to be honest it is just like a bit of mildly gripey belly - some vague discomfort and the impression that I should go toodleloo soon.

9:20pm. Nothing for half an hour. I think I am stockpiling it at present...

9:40pm. Yep, I've been stockpiling. yeehar! Gut is starting to get a bit sore. How long will this go on for? Golly, the jelly Nathan dished up for me is going down a treat! Probably will go through me a treat too.

10:16pm. OK, over this now. Feeling rather tired. Bedtime soon, only it seems I will have to get up on occasion. Gut is mildly sore, like a really pathetically small period pain.

11:03pm. Time to go to bed. Here's to a good night's sleep and an exciting start to June! The first day of winter here in Oz.



  1. Jacqui S1:38 pm

    Hey Lynne...all sounds rather like the effects of the liver/gall stone purge... :-(
    a little advice..when your tush (the business bit!!) starts to get sore from all this purging, I found a little olive oil on the area after you've been helps.

    hope it doesnt all last too long and you get some results!!
    Jacqui S

  2. Hopefully good news after the colonoscopy.

    The prep is a real mongrel but you will be able to eat tonight.


  3. now i know what my mother went through. they told her no red or purple juices, so that left a lot out. she did drink herbal tea. that seemed to help. did you try the olive oil? that sounds comfy


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