Sunday, September 25, 2005

Hi ho hi ho

It's off to work I go (in the morning).

This is a tedious and dull post.

I've had a rather full weekend - done lots of spinning, lots of gardening, even some tidying up inside. The changes to the garden are noticeable, which pleases me. I like making a difference. I wish I had taken some pics of the spinning but oh well, you'll have to wait for another day! I am playing with singles, and with a fine thread of yarn plied with a thick and thin thread. Some of it is very interesting. I like trying out new ways of doing things. I'm not making it bulky though cos I just can't do bulky easily on my wheel - I need a bulky flier, orifice, etc.

Now that the spring equinox is past, I am getting home well before dark, so pics after work are more likely, though it keeps being cloudy. The sun is already rising more than an hour and a half earlier than at winter solstice, but sunset has only moved on a bit over an hour so far. That fascinates me. After summer solstice, sunrise whips back about half an hour really quickly then pulls back more slowly whilst twilight remains fairly steady for about a month.

More introspection (I tend to live in my own head a lot -can't you tell?). This is more typical blog whining.

Why oh why am I working in a job that is sucking the soul out of me?

Cos.
Cos we need the money.
Cos I feel some weird sense of duty to my team (yet it seems now I am holding them back - they need a top flight trainer not someone who is really good at Googling).
Cos I can't find another job.
Cos I have all these great and apparently totally-useless-for-any-other-job skills.
Cos the idea of having the pulp beaten out of my by a lifeless, soulless job seems totally unbelievable so I keep persisting at it.
Cos I keep hoping that things will change and I won't have to get out of my comfort zone.
Cos the idea of being on the job treadmill scares me witless.
Cos I am not very good at dealing with rejection (which is odd cos by now I should be a past master at it).
Cos I am starting to sense my own mortality - the seasons and years now are whipping by and I am not getting a chance to savour them. Instead it is always hurry hurry hurry busy busy busy must do this, must do that, must flog at work, darnit I didn't get a chance to fix that up before it backfired on me, realise in dismay that my life is fleeing before my eyes. I want my life back, dangit!

Two months or so ago I felt that great things lay ahead of me. I tend to believe that we determine our own fate, so I'd best get on my bike and start pedalling up those hard and nasty hills to where I want to be rather than free wheeling on the road to oblivion. If I want those great things, I'll have to work towards them. Noone is just going to give them to me.

I'm not very good at pedalling up hills.

Ah well. Enought whining. Work in the morning. Best get a good night's sleep.

anon!

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