panicked, again

G'day all!

I'm all in a flap, again. DH has started with a project group who want him to work *only* in an operating system and programs he despises with the heat of a brazillion suns. Now he wants to go home.

Some people would say well he should just use the stuff and get it done but it is like asking a fervent Catholic to become a Buddhist or a Muslim. In southern Australian terms, like asking a footy supporter to barrack for Collingwood when they despise that team. People get evangelical about their favourite operating system/hardware - just look at the Mac advocates or linux geeks (DH is the latter and I use linux all the time). Making a linux advocate use The Proprietary Software of Doom is just not going to happen. Forcing someone to do something that is against their values and ethics is foolish - noone wins.

So what would happen if we went home? Well we would be in debt up to our ears - we would have to pay 11/12ths of the costs of relocating us and getting us visas, etc. We would not have jobs and for the time being no place to live either. We would not be able to afford to get most of our stuff home (and I would be spewing cos I have some really nice yarn and fleece, let alone the practical stuff like clothes, cutlery and crockery which we brought with us).

Now the interesting thing is that when he says he wants to go home, I panic. Why? It isn't as if I don't miss Australia, my family, my friends, the cats, our garden, etc, etc - I'm often homesick. I think it is because of unfinished business here. I haven't had a chance to actually DO anything. I've seen some stuff but not enough. I've started settling in. I guess we've talked about doing stuff and I am looking forward to that, we have vague plans to see stuff and travel. Mebbe I don't want to go home because I'll have to find some suckful job that I'll hate within months, if not weeks (eg working in a call centre in an insurance company - I am somewhat phone phobic after working for years with social security and insurance clients, some of whom are not Nice People). I want to learn more about this place, feel the seasons come and go, try to understand it some.

So I am all in a tizzy, again. I am so over this sort of stuff. I understand where he is coming from but for a relatively practical bloke, he does get himself in *such* a lather. And then I get in a lather too.

I wish I had someone to talk to. Now that we have a place to live I was expecting to make connections and friends but that hasn't happened yet. We have only been here four days. I just wish I knew whether it was worth my while making those connections - I don't make friends easily and if they are just going to be taken away from me again is there any point?

Maybe I will go look at my stash, only that might be sadness making. I should go make another sock and tidy up some more. I am still getting rid of crap that moved with us, you know the sort of stuff that you just didn't sort out and is not really stuff to keep, it just hasn't been gotten rid of yet....



  1. Oh no! You guys are having the worst luck ever. On the knitting/firned front, is there a local knitting group you could visit? Maybe the LYS(s) have some info.

  2. Oh Dear,I really feel for you,especially as you seemed to have things looking under some sort of control and order!!!
    I suppose you couldnt smack him and tell him to grow up! Isolation is the pits!!!

  3. Big hug. Is there any way that he can speak to someone and get onto another project?

    His experience with Linux might actually help with the new project as he'll be able to see both sides and will be able to argue convincingly about the cons and pros of it.

    Oh Lynne! I'm sure it will all work out for you.

  4. So now I am picturing you sitting in the corner of a dark room slowly rubbing your cheek with a soft ball of, well, something fuzzy and soft!!! No wonder you feel boogelly, you need stability. I am terribly worried and hopeless whn I don't know what will happne. I love knowing what will happen, goo or bad, as long as I know. I reckon you ahould throw caution to the wind amd jolly well make a friend!!! It can't hurt. What's the worst thing that can happen?? You could make a new friend and then if you move, they're a new email/blogging friend!!!!

  5. Oh that is so hard. I hope things can settle down / work out for you and your husband.

    We moved to the States (Boulder CO) in 1993 for Hubby's post-doc, and far from what we were expecting (finally having an income, and being slightly well off), found ourselves in an almost untenable financial situation (the cost of living in Boulder had trebled, but post-doc salaries, oddly enough, hadn't)... We seriously considered my coming home with our two young kids, while he worked there for 3 years (we didn't - we stuck it out, and were VERY poor, no car, running out of food regularly, but together).

    It's really really hard in those first months in a new country - and the culture shock takes a good 12 months to get over, you need to experience a full year in the new place. It's very tough on your relationship too. Hang in there if you can!

    Do you have a social group of any sort you can join? For me it was joining the local homeschooling group that saved my sanity... is there a SnB near you?

  6. Oh hun I am so sorry that things are not going too great for you at the moment. I have moved around a lot in my life and can relate to picking up your life and trying to fit in somewhere new and all that it entails. Not easy I know and if DH work is not going smoothly then it has knock on effects . I do hope they can be ironed out to make his work easier and then hopefully you will feel better also.
    I have you in my thoughts Lynne and am sending warm hugs and positive vibes over your way.You are a very caring person and you will find the strength to find a way to resolve this I am sure.


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