A solstice seachange
G'day all!
Today I had a long chat with my brother and my next up sister. They both agree don't do the SSRIs and do quit the job. They both recommended temping as a good thing to do cos it exposes you to many different workplaces whilst you work out what you really want to aim for and what skills you really do have.
Why don't I want to take the drugs? Cos I am by no means suicidal. I am flat, but I've been stressed out of my nut for about a month now, and my self-confidence has been undermined to the point where I can't make a simple decision about what to do next. I still find joy in things, just not anything to do with work (except my walks along the Yarra). I believe that I can bootstrap myself out of this state - I've done it from worse positions before when I had less support than I have now. I may be a wusster and a *nice* girl who isn't pushy (unless you really start treading on me) but somewhere in the fluff is a band of steel. I just have to get out before my job sucks the rest of my soul out of me. It is just a job, not a life sentence.
Today one of my nephews said to my brother "You really like water." He does. What I had not realised is the affinity I have for it too, until I drove along and saw this view:
and my heart swelled and ached for seeing the ocean (OK, it is Bass Strait but it is still the ocean to me)(BTW, that is what Californians would call a Monterey pine - they grow like weeds here even though they are endangered in the wild there. That sort of pine is used widely in industry and homes here and forms the basis of a huge forestry industry.)
I also love shots like this:
No through road - no kidding, eh?
It's been so long since I've seen an ocean beach. So long since I've walked along a beach with surf, well if not crashing onto it, at least making interesting surfy sounds. I had forgotten how much I like it. Admittedly I am not so keen on being immersed in this water cos in winter it is fridge temperature (around 4 degrees C) and even in summer it only gets to around 15 if you're lucky. Even so there was one very small girl with a very small boogie board splashing around in the shallows. But seeign it is good enough. Hearing it and smelling it. Ahhhhhh.
The sock hopped out of the car and started posing:
It was a little blue cos it was not very warm.
It wanted to go down the stairs to play in the sand, but we all know that socks and sand mix all too well, so well that they are never parted again.... Sock had to deal with being stuffed in a pocket and not being able to play in the sand or smell the seaweed.
But the clouds were threatening
and the sock got scared and wanted to get back in the car.
So we drove along another few km and found this place:
(Anyone recognise it?) The sock really wanted to be in shots of a place that is famous. Admittedly the most famous shack on the beach was knocked down and replaced with a nice kiosk instead. Sorta changed the character a bit. Unfortunately Mr Camera's batteries decided to peg it at that very instant, so I didn't get all the shots the sock wanted to be in. The sock was a bit grouchy about that but I reminded it that it had to go home, and if we didn't leave soon, the traffic across the Westgate Bridge would be horrid. We can always come back another day....
Yay!
I so love the sea, and the rivers, and lakes, and water in general as long as it isn't tamed. There is little in the way of natural lakes or rivers around here - a flood retarding basin that you can't reach, a creek that is more a concrete drain...
If I remember correctly, the winter solstice is typically regarded as a time of rebirth, of new beginnings. The shortest, darkest day is come (though in reality, the worst weather is yet to come but within 7 weeks or so we will start getting real harbingers of spring). Here's to new beginnings and the regrowth of confidence lost and the regaining of my soul. Those in the northern hemispehre - enjoy your long days for the cycle continues and long days will become short, as ours will become long. This is the time when I wish I could scry the future and know whether I am making the right decision, but the lightness in my heart that fills me when I think of leaving tells me it is the right thing to do.
anon!
Today I had a long chat with my brother and my next up sister. They both agree don't do the SSRIs and do quit the job. They both recommended temping as a good thing to do cos it exposes you to many different workplaces whilst you work out what you really want to aim for and what skills you really do have.
Why don't I want to take the drugs? Cos I am by no means suicidal. I am flat, but I've been stressed out of my nut for about a month now, and my self-confidence has been undermined to the point where I can't make a simple decision about what to do next. I still find joy in things, just not anything to do with work (except my walks along the Yarra). I believe that I can bootstrap myself out of this state - I've done it from worse positions before when I had less support than I have now. I may be a wusster and a *nice* girl who isn't pushy (unless you really start treading on me) but somewhere in the fluff is a band of steel. I just have to get out before my job sucks the rest of my soul out of me. It is just a job, not a life sentence.
Today one of my nephews said to my brother "You really like water." He does. What I had not realised is the affinity I have for it too, until I drove along and saw this view:
and my heart swelled and ached for seeing the ocean (OK, it is Bass Strait but it is still the ocean to me)(BTW, that is what Californians would call a Monterey pine - they grow like weeds here even though they are endangered in the wild there. That sort of pine is used widely in industry and homes here and forms the basis of a huge forestry industry.)
I also love shots like this:
No through road - no kidding, eh?
It's been so long since I've seen an ocean beach. So long since I've walked along a beach with surf, well if not crashing onto it, at least making interesting surfy sounds. I had forgotten how much I like it. Admittedly I am not so keen on being immersed in this water cos in winter it is fridge temperature (around 4 degrees C) and even in summer it only gets to around 15 if you're lucky. Even so there was one very small girl with a very small boogie board splashing around in the shallows. But seeign it is good enough. Hearing it and smelling it. Ahhhhhh.
The sock hopped out of the car and started posing:
It was a little blue cos it was not very warm.
It wanted to go down the stairs to play in the sand, but we all know that socks and sand mix all too well, so well that they are never parted again.... Sock had to deal with being stuffed in a pocket and not being able to play in the sand or smell the seaweed.
But the clouds were threatening
and the sock got scared and wanted to get back in the car.
So we drove along another few km and found this place:
(Anyone recognise it?) The sock really wanted to be in shots of a place that is famous. Admittedly the most famous shack on the beach was knocked down and replaced with a nice kiosk instead. Sorta changed the character a bit. Unfortunately Mr Camera's batteries decided to peg it at that very instant, so I didn't get all the shots the sock wanted to be in. The sock was a bit grouchy about that but I reminded it that it had to go home, and if we didn't leave soon, the traffic across the Westgate Bridge would be horrid. We can always come back another day....
Yay!
I so love the sea, and the rivers, and lakes, and water in general as long as it isn't tamed. There is little in the way of natural lakes or rivers around here - a flood retarding basin that you can't reach, a creek that is more a concrete drain...
If I remember correctly, the winter solstice is typically regarded as a time of rebirth, of new beginnings. The shortest, darkest day is come (though in reality, the worst weather is yet to come but within 7 weeks or so we will start getting real harbingers of spring). Here's to new beginnings and the regrowth of confidence lost and the regaining of my soul. Those in the northern hemispehre - enjoy your long days for the cycle continues and long days will become short, as ours will become long. This is the time when I wish I could scry the future and know whether I am making the right decision, but the lightness in my heart that fills me when I think of leaving tells me it is the right thing to do.
anon!
Good for you! I'm so glad that you have come to a decision. You sound so much more content now. Sending you a huge hug - you are really brave.
ReplyDeleteI offer you a ritual for a new job.
ReplyDelete(worked for me).
Require:
1 green candle.
Stones malachite and obsidian.
musk scented incense
powder of ginger, cinnamon and rosemary.
3 coins - 1 found, 1 old, 1 new.
1 jade plant.
Perform on a Wednesday (for the hiring of employees).
Begin.
Light green candle for new employment beginnings.
Hold malachite and obsidian and honour the Earth for their influence in employment.
Surround the musk incense with the ginger, cinnamon and rosemary. Light the incense, honouring the sun for prosperity and monetary gain.
To thank the spirits for listening and their time, bury beneath a jade tree the 3 coins.
At closure blow out the candle.
If you want something more specific to a certain area of employment - eg computers, let me know, and I'll see what I can whip up.
well i could say it looks like the illawarra but im probably wrong. and we have just lost some of our icons
ReplyDeleteWhen Number Guy was looking for a job, I lit a candle and that way I remembered to say a little job-finding prayer everytime I walked by it on the living room mantle.
ReplyDeleteAlso, remember that you don't have to be suicidal to need SSRIs. Talk to a physician/counselor - there may be more there than just the job streses.
Love the title and the theme of your post, Lynne. You do sound more yourself! Poor cold blue sock!! :)
ReplyDeleteThe relief you are showing is obvious, so good decision, good decision.
ReplyDeleteI love the ocean too, I grew up on the eastern shore of Maryland and we used to go to the beach all the time. One thing I don't like too much about the ocean are the jellyfish. I've been stung by those suckers more times than I care to remember!
ReplyDeleteBeing self employed is great. Hard work and a whole different sort of stress, but ultimately more satisfying. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOne tip: come up with something to keep you occupied between jobs, because they never start right when the last one finished. If you can come up with something that earns you extra cash, even better. (Can you tell I'm thinking you should spin and dye yarn to sell?)
I love seeing the water. When I lived in a mining town it was awful - we used to go and see the Gordon River at weekends. I love living on an island : water all around us. I can see the southern end of Bass Strait abpout an hour up the road. Glad you are feeling resolved. I think the hardest part is making the decision, after that, it's all up!!!
ReplyDeleteTime for a 'Sea Change'? Sorry, couldn't resist that. Poor sock, wanting to play on the beach and not being able to. I'm glad for you about the decision - I hope Nathan copes too!!
ReplyDeleteYay! And if your mate in the old place still wants you for the job, he can still offer it to you anyway. I'm glad you've been able to say NO to hanging in there, even on a good promise, because that can go on and on and on ... When do you give notice?
ReplyDeleteciao!
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