I'm crankypants today.
Today I have had enough. Actually this week I've had enough. I'm sick of being on chemo, I'm sick of being restricted in what I can do, I'm sick of having a sore arm from the dressing around the picc line, I'm sick of the flavour of the stuff I have to use to keep my mouth "nice," I'm sick of feeling like my arms and legs and head are made of lead, I'm over getting indigestion, Nathan has a bit of a cold so I can't even hang around him, I'm sick of not seeing people, I'm sick of not going out cos I might get sick, I'm sick of not being able to find the ONLY important bit of paperwork that I can't find, I'm sick of my n key not working properly, I'm sick of feeling bad about to being able to help DH with his projects, I'm sick of being sorry about not being able to help like I would be, I'm sick of not being able to be a useful sorta person. I'm completely and utterly frustrated with all the new limitations on me. I've basically cracked it with everything. You get the picture.
I'll get over it, as usual. Not being able to find my tax info for last year is annoying me greatly. Realising that I am going to be useless for the next six months is annoying me greatly. Assuming I don't get DH's cold and end up in hospital, chemo doesn't end until the start of July! That is over four months away. Then I have surgery when my immune system is up and running again and presumably after recovery from that, six weeks of radiotherapy. 2010 - what a drag of a year!
On the good side, well, I'm still here, when the indigestion isn't killing me, I'm still kicking. OK I could take the indigestion medication I've got, like a good girl but sometimes one gets over being a good girl and wants to do something stupid instead like not take yet another blasted medication just to try to maintain some semblance of normal life. I've managed to get some quilt squares done, I've only got the blocking of a shawlette to do, I've spun and knitted a pair of slippers that now require fulling, and I've started Yet Another Shawlette - I seem to be dead keen on them at present.
And I've managed to keep us fed and me washed and the kitchen in some vague order. I can't clean the shower easily anymore with the picc line in - someone else will have to step up for that one! I'd like to do some gardening and pot on some plants and do stuff like that but alas, out of the question currently.
OK, enough whining! Time to go reheat dinner - made so much last night that today it will feed us both :-)