Wednesday, September 29, 2010

How do you...

G'day all!

Not such a good day today. I'm fine but well, I want to know:

How do you get someone to get professional mental help? Even when they admit and recognise a problem, they say it can't be fixed and there's no point? Especially when you are nowhere near them in a geographical sense? They are extremely pig headed about the whole thing. It is a problem that can be fixed if the person wants it to be fixed, if they want to feel well and capable and able to do stuff that they really can do! How do you get them receptive to the idea of being better? You would think people want to be better but when they are like this, often they aren't.

sigh. Things are a little pear shaped. It is driving ME bonkers. I have to look after me and not let myself get too overwrought with it all. I have to stay in the moment and not anticipate things. This cancer bizzo has been very good for that. (But it hasn't stopped me buying yarn has it?)

Anyway, if you have any ideas, let me know.

I've been working on some ideas for a little swap that I'm in. We are swapping mug rugs - like overgrown coasters made like little quilts for our mugs of coffee or tea or hot chocolate, etc. I'm a little behind because I've taken a couple of weeks to drag out the sewing machine (it needs to run on 110V not the 240V we have here, so I've made the hard choice of unplugging the amplifier which is running on the 110V transformer... so no music unless I play it on the laptop = cruddy quality).

I am pleased to say that my mug rug swappee likes the various things I've sewn so far:

mugrug_logs
My very own hand dyed fabric - lurid, isn't it? I was just playing around with which fabric works best and so far my answer out of four different types is all of them are pretty good, pity that I didn't write down which fabric is which. Doh!

mugrug_pinwheels
Pinwheels. I had forgotten what a pita these are if your blocks are just a little off.

mugrug_kitties
and some cats for a backing, since my swappee likes cats too.

I am starting to think I should make another cats backing and send her both of the mug rugs, when I am done with them!

I'm also ploughing through my shalom cardi. Of course I have no pics yet. I've finally finished the collar and am halfway through the cast on row for the body. Have no idea what I'm talking about? Have a look at the ravelry page (you are on ravelry, yes?, if you are a knitter or crocheter or even weaver!). Oh, I'm making mine a little bigger (added 8 stitches at the start) cos I do not have a 32" bust, not even after a lump got taken out! It's been a bit tedious so far, even though it is on chunky 7mm needles, as I had a little row counting accident and managed to get the frontside and backside reversed on the second lot of pattern. All those twisted stitches for the whole second part of the collar had to be pulled out....

I am anticipating the rest of it will not take so long to knit as it is knitting back and forth with a couple of decreases and increases along the way. That is much easier than twisted stitches, which I have to watch like a hawk to make sure I twist them! Plus it is luscious and purple (colour 0011). Mmm, purple. (I also have 18 balls or so of 0012, peacock, mmm, peacock... now I have to find a suitable pattern for it! yay for Ravelry's pattern search!)

anon!

9 comments:

  1. Not sure you can make people get help. They have to want to, or, someone other than you tells them to do it and then it is their own wonderful idea??
    Nice sewing, as per usually and nice dyeing too.
    Glad you made it home after the Virgin Blues.
    Oh that's a pretty colour and the peacock too.
    I hate twisted stitches
    Look after yourself.

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  2. You're having a rough time, aren't you? I am sure my now ex has a problem but his will never be admitted. I believe someone else close has inherited this problem. He has had treatment and is on an even keel most of the time till deep depression strikes when he will unwillingly take medication. He doesn't like that because he says it's "not him." Our answer is that it helps the real him to be seen. What is there normally is the one with the illness.

    Somewhat difficult to discuss in a comment. If you want to, email me from profile link or jan dot bishop at gmail dot com.

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  3. Oh, and what Cindy says. You can't make them do anything but you can learn to cope for yourself and to help.

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  4. It may be a good idea if you can talk to a mental health professional like someone at Beyond Blue. They may be able to provide you with info for the person in question or ideas of how to get the person to get help.

    I'm hoping it's a fairly minor issue that can be attended to with a little bit of outside help.

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  6. I agree - there isn't anything you can do to convince someone else they need help. You should, however, talk to someone so you can learn strategies for dealing with things - so you can keep on getting better and taking care of you.

    I love your sewing, especially the pinwheels! Your hand-dyed is nice too - kind of goes with the paint for my bathroom (which turned out to be a bad choice as everything looks green now).

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  7. I agree with what everyone else has said. You can't force someone to seek help 'cos the first step in their recovery (from whatever it is) is acknowledging that there is a problem. And that there is a solution. It occurs in all sorts of things, like problem gambling, of which I have personal experience - not me but a close relative, and also in illnesses like bipolar where the person won't acknowledge that there are medications won't help. I don't know what the answer is, but you absolutely have to protect yourself and your health.

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  8. I love your fabric dyeing!

    Re getting help: in my experience it depends a lot on why they don't like the idea of getting help. I think that all you can really do most of the time is make it abundantly clear to them that you'll help with getting help if they need it (often I've found that people are just scared about taking that step, because it can be quite a big and confronting one), and make sure that you take care of yourself, because it's only when you're looking after you that you can help other people best.

    But yeah, if I knew how to make people get help when they needed it, then my life would have been pretty different - I'm not really the best person to offer advice!

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  9. I really love the hand-dyed stuff; it has a dreamy quality to it. I wish you could see what I did with my accent wall in my bedroom - it's very dreamy. I like the pinwheels, too, very much.

    About mental health - don't fall into the trap of thinking that this person just needs to get to a therapist, and they'll be fixed right up. It's not that simple. I have had many years (and many dollars) of therapy - and it hasn't done a bit of good, or not very much, anyway. Lots of pills, too - and I get side effects and very little benefit or none. The combination of bipolar, PTSD, and a chemically-sensitive body is soooo fun!

    Another thing - many therapists are crazier than their clients - there are lots of power-and-control freaks, lots of enablers, lots of very screwed-up people in that field - my theory is it's because they're trying to figure out what's wrong with *them*. These types do more harm than good to people who are very vulnerable.

    That's not to say chuck it all. You just have to keep trying.

    But someone who doesn't want to get any help - well, there are lots of reasons for that. I once had a friend who seemed to thrive on her depression - she'd just go on and on with the negative self-talk - but she wouldn't get treatment. Until I wised up, I spent a lot of energy on her. Others are career psychiatric patients - they don't really want to get better, they just want to keep going to therapy. And they most emphatically do *not* want to have this brought to their attention.

    I learned some things in Al-anon that have been very helpful in situations like this: "Mind your own business" and "Who owns the problem?" If I really, really mind my *own* business, I don't have many free cycles to devote to someone else's craziness. Who owns the problem? I own the part of the problem that directly affects me to the extent that it does. The other part does not belong to me, and I need to keep my hands out of it.

    So that's my two cents' worth. Hope it helps.

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