Monday, January 11, 2010

Touched

G'day all!

I would like to thank all of you who have commented or sent emails over the last few days. I am touched (in the good way, though I may be a bit crazy in the other sense of touched too!), truly really touched, and humbled. Thank you for your messages of support. I really appreciate them. Please excuse me if I do not respond privately to each and every comment (blogger doesn't send me your email address and also, I'm a little overwhelmed).

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I went for more scans today - chest xray and a liver ultrasound. Can I just say the liver ultrasound was more uncomfortable than I expected cos he pressed down a lot to get good pics, and I had to hold my breath whilst he did so. If my liver wasn't annoyed before, it is now! The ultrasonographer took lots of pics of my liver and gall bladder. Apparently when you lie down, your gallbladder flops anywhere it pleases, and when you stand back up it responds rather well to gravity and slithers downwards, making it hard to find. I hope there is nothing wrong with them, or nothing that can't easily be fixed. I would really like some good news about this cancer.

One of the Ravelry fora I am on was worried that I am not knitting. Well I am knitting, I'm knitting quite a bit, I just haven't got pics of my knitting cos I keep leaving the camera behind and I don't have space on my hard disk to download more pics (story of my life. 80 gig drive - you'll never fill that up!). I've also been fixing up some quilting ready to get it quilted (assuming I can afford that!). And I've been sitting at the parents'-in-law place, doing not a whole lot of anything really apart from cruising the net and knitting some more. I should put the projects on Ravelry but I'm lazy. And it is hot. And currently I am writing this post offline cos the PiLs' internet has died, most unusually.

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And I have been frying! It got to 43C today (110F). OMG it was warm! Indeed outright hot. I sat downstairs in the lovely airconditioning of our friend's palace (it isn't quite a palace but it is verra nice) all afternoon being horrified by the tv (too lazy to change channel) - Dr Phil, Oprah interviewing Sarah Palin (who?), Ready Steady Cook (cook up something delicious in a limited time from ingredients two lucky members of the audience have brought in), something godawful worse and umm the Bold and the Beautiful, just to top it off nicely. I thought I was in a time warp cos *exactly* the same shows were on when we left Oz in June 2007, just with different guests. (I think Judge Judy was on some days but maybe she was on a different channel.) There's a reason why I didn't miss the telly much whilst we were in the US.... This bodes for my upcoming bout of chemo. I'll need a neverending supply of DVDs. Save me from Oprah and the soaps! Otherwise I'll slit me own throat just to get away from the horror.

I left the poor little car we've been loaned under a shady tree but of course by 5pm this afternoon, it was no longer in the shade and had been broiling for a while. The car was so hot that after driving it to Scroatfight (Australian version of Joann's, have no idea of Brit or EU version), I could hardly touch the ignition key and the plastic end was all wibbly wobbly. The laptop bag was warm enough to be unpleasant to touch after only 10 minutes in the passenger footwell and I still couldn't hold the steering wheel without having a rag between me and it. My legs felt like they were in an oven. The car does have aircon but it also has a leaky radiator hose and I didn't want to stress it even further. So we had four* by seventy aircon. It's been ages since I've been in such an unpleasantly hot car. The Golf we had in California had a sunroof, which was excellent on sunny days cos you could leave it a little up and the hot air escaped. And whilst I think of it, my FiL put a number of lemons in the back of MiL's car at lunchtime. Car was then left to broil in the sun for a couple of hours. Voila! Cooked lemons! It really smells and tastes like cooked lemon. (the lemons, not the car...)

(*three actually - I couldn't wind the back passenger side window down from the driver's seat)

I admit to missing California - people said I would - but it is just as much because I was blissfully ignorant of having any serious medical condition. I miss the people and the things we used to do. We had set ourselves up perfectly there, now we are in limbo, with little of our stuff, with little purpose until we can move back into our place (by which time I hope I am into the treatment phase of this and expect to be incapable of doing much), and of course I have a Dread Disease. I am loath to go out and buy much stuff, even things we need, cos I am a bit worried about the future. No point buying stuff that I might not be able to use. I know I have the bad habit of buying stuff to fill the holes in my life, and at the moment the future is a great big gaping hole that no amount of Stuff can fill. I often dwell on the future, what will I be doing in a year's time, where will I be, what will I be up to in 5 years' time.... Now I'm not even sure I'll be here. It's a funny thing, this cancer thing and thinking about my own mortality. It makes my head spin to think this cancer has even odds or better on killing me. Oh yes, I get terrified too but it is the dizziness that surprises me most.

"Never tell me the odds."

The most annoying part is I look pretty good for a possibly dead person walking. A little drawn, deeper shadows under the eyes than normal, but otherwise healthy and fit.

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(Today's pics are a selection from the sunset of 21st November 2009 when we drove down the coast from SF to ummm gosh, it must've been Santa Cruz. The sun set when we reached ?Pescadero? beach.)

anon!

11 comments:

  1. I have to have my spleen ultrasounded (is that a word??) My spleen is unusually high up in my rib area and they press really really hard so for a few days I feel quite bruised. They have a bit of a general scan while they are at it- to spread the bruised feeling around!!
    This year the holiday TV has been abysmal, even the ABC has been lacking.
    I don't have air con either, I am forced to hug a little bag of ice to cool me down sometimes!! Perhaps you'll be all dazed by the treatment and the think that the shows are fabulous??!!!
    Hope it cools down for you, we are melting here too. Poor Labradors.

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  2. Just read the last 2 posts together. Much swearage from this side of the world. Me and G will be thinking of you, wish we were somewhere within reach.

    Must be mid-summer or thereabouts for you, sounds way too hot! This from a country that has been snow and ice-bound for a week, sort of Ice Station Zebra on a mahoosive scale. You are welcome to some of our snow. Round here we have had little and currently is is melting, but some places are snowed in.

    Anyway if there is owt that me or G or both can do, you know where we are xx

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  3. Just booked my flight for Oz for Jan 30th we'll stay a week at my brother's place in Finley in NSW and then back home again. Let me know if you need anything from CA --- maybe I can drop something off to you.
    Cathy
    (Jum8uck on Ravelry)

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  4. How disgusting was yesterday?!?!? I hid at my sister's house but even she got sick of the baby by 5pm (it was still 43 then) so we moved on to my parent's house for a few hours.

    Yep, daytime tv is rubbish. I've accepted it and moved on to watching episodes of "Dollhouse" and BBC Dramas instead.

    I look forward to seeing pics of this quilt - you really are brilliant at multitasking craftwise :)

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  5. Poking around on your liver doesn't sound very nice at all. Tell those technicians we all said they are to be extra nice to you, because YOU'RE OUR FRIEND!

    The heat is really terrible at the moment. Maybe once you get settled back in your own environment you can sort out air conditioning...a real necessity when you aren't feeling well.

    And how about QuickFlix or some such? I used it the first couple of years I was in Oz, and it will at least allow you to choose things you'd really like to watch. Both movies and TV shows, and they have a LOT. Couldn't hurt to have a subscription for a year or two...I think it's $35 a month well spent.

    Sending hugs...

    Dianne

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  6. For a blogger who used to grumble about how nobody reads your blog, let alone comments, you sure have a huge cheer squad now!

    Another vote of support, and hope to see you around when you feel like it.

    And Mr Nissen nailed it: not enough swear words...

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  7. Good to see such a nice long post and the pictures are beautiful. For such unpleasant tests, you still manage to make us smile with your witty recounting. Wishing you all the best with your results!

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  8. It does seem odd to read about your very hot weather sitting here looking at the snow on the ground outside. pao and I are rooting for you. Hugs xx

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  9. It does seem odd to read about your very hot weather sitting here looking at the snow on the ground outside. pao and I are rooting for you. Hugs xx

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  10. Awesome photos :-)

    FYI- Kellie and I accumulated a truck load of DVDs while we were together and watching DVDs is still part of our catching up with eachother routine. Let either of us know the stuff you like and we should be able to help out.

    And of course books, lots and lots of books :-)

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  11. We're heading for a very hot weekend here!I think I shall hide out for afew hours though on the worst predicted day I have to do afew hours work!Hav Monday off though,have to hold Son 1 hand as he has 4 wisdom teeth out,ouch!!
    Ive spent many times driving home holding the wheel with one finger and alternating regularly, so know where you re coaming from!!

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