Touched

G'day all!

I would like to thank all of you who have commented or sent emails over the last few days. I am touched (in the good way, though I may be a bit crazy in the other sense of touched too!), truly really touched, and humbled. Thank you for your messages of support. I really appreciate them. Please excuse me if I do not respond privately to each and every comment (blogger doesn't send me your email address and also, I'm a little overwhelmed).



I went for more scans today - chest xray and a liver ultrasound. Can I just say the liver ultrasound was more uncomfortable than I expected cos he pressed down a lot to get good pics, and I had to hold my breath whilst he did so. If my liver wasn't annoyed before, it is now! The ultrasonographer took lots of pics of my liver and gall bladder. Apparently when you lie down, your gallbladder flops anywhere it pleases, and when you stand back up it responds rather well to gravity and slithers downwards, making it hard to find. I hope there is nothing wrong with them, or nothing that can't easily be fixed. I would really like some good news about this cancer.

One of the Ravelry fora I am on was worried that I am not knitting. Well I am knitting, I'm knitting quite a bit, I just haven't got pics of my knitting cos I keep leaving the camera behind and I don't have space on my hard disk to download more pics (story of my life. 80 gig drive - you'll never fill that up!). I've also been fixing up some quilting ready to get it quilted (assuming I can afford that!). And I've been sitting at the parents'-in-law place, doing not a whole lot of anything really apart from cruising the net and knitting some more. I should put the projects on Ravelry but I'm lazy. And it is hot. And currently I am writing this post offline cos the PiLs' internet has died, most unusually.



And I have been frying! It got to 43C today (110F). OMG it was warm! Indeed outright hot. I sat downstairs in the lovely airconditioning of our friend's palace (it isn't quite a palace but it is verra nice) all afternoon being horrified by the tv (too lazy to change channel) - Dr Phil, Oprah interviewing Sarah Palin (who?), Ready Steady Cook (cook up something delicious in a limited time from ingredients two lucky members of the audience have brought in), something godawful worse and umm the Bold and the Beautiful, just to top it off nicely. I thought I was in a time warp cos *exactly* the same shows were on when we left Oz in June 2007, just with different guests. (I think Judge Judy was on some days but maybe she was on a different channel.) There's a reason why I didn't miss the telly much whilst we were in the US.... This bodes for my upcoming bout of chemo. I'll need a neverending supply of DVDs. Save me from Oprah and the soaps! Otherwise I'll slit me own throat just to get away from the horror.

I left the poor little car we've been loaned under a shady tree but of course by 5pm this afternoon, it was no longer in the shade and had been broiling for a while. The car was so hot that after driving it to Scroatfight (Australian version of Joann's, have no idea of Brit or EU version), I could hardly touch the ignition key and the plastic end was all wibbly wobbly. The laptop bag was warm enough to be unpleasant to touch after only 10 minutes in the passenger footwell and I still couldn't hold the steering wheel without having a rag between me and it. My legs felt like they were in an oven. The car does have aircon but it also has a leaky radiator hose and I didn't want to stress it even further. So we had four* by seventy aircon. It's been ages since I've been in such an unpleasantly hot car. The Golf we had in California had a sunroof, which was excellent on sunny days cos you could leave it a little up and the hot air escaped. And whilst I think of it, my FiL put a number of lemons in the back of MiL's car at lunchtime. Car was then left to broil in the sun for a couple of hours. Voila! Cooked lemons! It really smells and tastes like cooked lemon. (the lemons, not the car...)

(*three actually - I couldn't wind the back passenger side window down from the driver's seat)

I admit to missing California - people said I would - but it is just as much because I was blissfully ignorant of having any serious medical condition. I miss the people and the things we used to do. We had set ourselves up perfectly there, now we are in limbo, with little of our stuff, with little purpose until we can move back into our place (by which time I hope I am into the treatment phase of this and expect to be incapable of doing much), and of course I have a Dread Disease. I am loath to go out and buy much stuff, even things we need, cos I am a bit worried about the future. No point buying stuff that I might not be able to use. I know I have the bad habit of buying stuff to fill the holes in my life, and at the moment the future is a great big gaping hole that no amount of Stuff can fill. I often dwell on the future, what will I be doing in a year's time, where will I be, what will I be up to in 5 years' time.... Now I'm not even sure I'll be here. It's a funny thing, this cancer thing and thinking about my own mortality. It makes my head spin to think this cancer has even odds or better on killing me. Oh yes, I get terrified too but it is the dizziness that surprises me most.

"Never tell me the odds."

The most annoying part is I look pretty good for a possibly dead person walking. A little drawn, deeper shadows under the eyes than normal, but otherwise healthy and fit.



(Today's pics are a selection from the sunset of 21st November 2009 when we drove down the coast from SF to ummm gosh, it must've been Santa Cruz. The sun set when we reached ?Pescadero? beach.)

anon!