Sunday, September 11, 2011

Onwards, outwards, upwards

G'day all!

Looks like the big G is having a few issues at present - I can't post under the new Blogger interface and then when I provided feedback as to why I've swapped back to the old version, the Google doc failed.  So some lucky engineer somewhere has to sort that out.

Wonder if this post will go through.

20110831_sunsetboats

I am looking forward to visiting friends in the States.  They'll notice a few changes - I'm wrinklier and my hair is somewhat shorter and darker (though given it has not had a chance to sunbleach yet and I've done the chemo thing, it isn't that surprising).

20110904_rosalaevigatum
(Rosa laevigatum has beaten all the roses to flowering)

Spring is definitely sprung here - over the last two weeks, the trees have suddenly sprouted beautiful lime green leaves.  I love spring green.  The wisteria is in flower as are the crab apples.

20110903_crabappleblossom

But I am feeling a bit flat.  My story writing has slowed down quite a bit and I feel a bit lonely.  Odd that I should miss characters that are like imaginary friends but they have run out of story for the time being.  I've still got quite a few notes to transcribe, which is nice.

I'm also feeling a bit old and shabby.  Last year I was in emergency mode and coping magnificently with things.  Emergency mode is no longer required, instead I am finding the new normal.  In finding the new normal, I'm finding that I am vain.  I did not know that having long blonde hair was how I thought about myself, though I know I was rather resistant to getting it cut off.  Or long eyelashes.  Or relatively dark eyebrows.  I've never been an amazingly pretty chickie babe, but I'm not particularly ugly either.

20110907_sunsetfishmarket

Now I have short, dark blonde hair with reddish lights in it.  My eyebrows have come in anywhere from invisible blonde to about 20 darker ones and somewhat thinner (of course I have plenty that are growing where I don't want them but I've lost the monobrow ones!).  And my eyelashes are piss weak, to be honest.  My face seems to have gone insipid.  And wrinkles have bloomed like flowers.  9 months without hormones will do that to one it seems.

And I miss being able to pass for a few years younger than my real age.

20110906_sunset

People tell me that character and cunning grows over the years and can make a woman more attractive than she was at say 20.  I should have plenty of character then and even more attractiveness.  I've dealt with enough, and I keep dealing with plenty of crap too.  But it doesn't mean that I don't miss some things like occasionally turning heads and being valued for something shallow like appearance.

Funny, isn't it that I am learning more about my depths but miss the shallow stuff most.  I always knew I had depths.  At least noone thinks I am a brainless blonde bimbo any more - I should look on the bright side!

20110904_sunsetbeams

And mostly I do.

BTW, it's DH and my 7th wedding anniversary today.  I would love to say seven years of wedded bliss but as in most marriages, it has its ups and downs.  I'm glad to have made it through another year :-)

(Pics of sunsets from around here - I go out every day and take pics.  It fascinates me, probably dull as dishwater to other people though)

anon!

3 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary Lynne and hubby.

    The sunsets are gorgeous, I spent a large part of a year taking photos of sunsets and they never get old.

    Finding your new self is never an easy thing, I think we spend our whole lives getting used to where we are only to find that the line has moved. Good luck and Best Wishes with emerging from your chrysalis accepting your new self and emerging like a butterfly.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Happy aniverary from me too,Ive followed you for along time now and consider you a Bloggy Friend,I cry with you and laugh as well,yes finding out that you are not who you thought you were because of different reasons as Leonie said is not easy,Ive been there and I have to say everytime I do get a win however small I celibrate,Im not the person I was ten years ago but then again who is.
    I hope the US trip is loads of fun and you see all your mates over there!!
    PS Im off for my second hidious booby exam this Wednesday and yep Im a little scared

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy Anniversary, I think you two have done a marvellous job, through thick and thin. It is a new and different life after an illness. You are never quite the same person, but I think your essence has remained the same!! Hope you are having a wonderful time, eyelashes notwithstanding!!

    ReplyDelete

I enjoy getting comments but if I don't have your email address, I may not be able to reply 8-\
I'm trying various commenting things so that I can reply to your comments within blogger itself.