Last weekend was amazing. The weather was warm - so warm I ended up wearing shorts. I got to blind people with the glaring pink purple whiteness of my glorious legs.
It hit a whole stinking 21C!
Apparently my ideas about what hot is have changed in my time in Seattle.
This weekend? Brr! It got to about 12C today and it seemed cold, especially when the skies cleared and the wind came up cold from the south-west.
|Spring isn't the only thing that |
The days are getting longer and we are well into Spring. I usually love Spring, though I'm starting to loathe the pollen that is blowing in the wind. A lot more plants are wind pollinated here than in Oz.
|Last of the camellias|
There's so many flowers blooming now. The crab apples are in full bloom along with the ornamental peaches/almonds/whatever they are, and even the early flowerers of the edible apples are starting. Gardens are looking simply amazing.
|The gardens at the locks are bloomin marvellous!|
The garage project continues. This week we got the frame signed off, so we can start getting the wiring done and finish off the insulation and start the sheathing of the walls. The rubber on the roof isn't glued down yet cos this week has been cooler and ahem, we may not have bought enough glue in the first shipment... Well, not me, someone else... I am glad that when I went out to find more, I took DH with me cos he knew exactly what was needed whilst I had vague instructions of "water based glue for rubber" and they were trying to sell me solvent based glue for asphalt roofing (yes, the US has odd roofing materials, at least to my mind).
|The dogwoods are just starting|
I'm still in thinking mode, trying to work things out. The week at the retreat spoiled me - I had people to talk to if I wanted to talk to them, if I didn't, I didn't have to, I didn't have to do anything bar sit and knit if I wanted to, or sit and listen to stories, or show people how I knit. Coming back to reality was somewhat of a shock, and I realised I was lonely. I started growing up in a house full of people (four bedrooms, six people) and finished my growing up in a much more empty house (being the baby has advantages and disadvantages). When I was small, there were always people around. When I was older, Mum was always around.
|Lovely blue irises. The beardies are just starting.|
Now there's often just me, and if DH is around, he is working or busy doing things or tired and not interested in chatting or I am supposed to be working. People say I should get a dog and then I'll always have an adoring admirer but that doesn't work for me either - I'm not a dog person. Having a cat would be good but I don't want to have to give one up when we leave or plan our departure so far in advance that we can keep the cat. Also, I like having cats in pairs.
|Tulips are still going, though we are into the |
later ones now.
I've been reading blogs and getting Ideas, and I don't really care for some of these ideas. Things like what is my legacy? What do I want to be remembered for when I'm gone? Not that I'm expecting to go for a while yet but these sorts of things have been starting to obsess me. How can I make a difference? What can I do to make that difference? Many people have children but I don't, and I wasn't going to have children just because then they might be around in my dotage.
|Stinky stinky lilac. Still like them though.|
Apart from that, I'm trying to work out what am I good at? What am I really good at? Suggestions? Anyone? What should I focus on?
The problem with these sort of ideas is they get me thinking about things that I am not really very good at. I'm still fairly clever but I'm realising that I am quite limited in many ways. I've never been an intellectual - I was not reared by intellectuals and I've never really adopted that way of thinking and analysis and expression (though I am quite good at research and synthesis of reports). I'm good at lots of things but I'm not particularly driven and I think that is part of the problem.
|Apparently the barge has a hole.|
A lot of people think you should work on your weaknesses and become a more rounded person. I think if you have strengths, you should develop them in preference to becoming more well rounded. Obviously if you have weaknesses that cause distress to you and those around you, then yes, work on fixing them but don't ignore the things you are good at.
What do I want to do?
I've never really known.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. Noone ever told me I couldn't be, but when I found out that I pretty much had to be a test pilot, I decided that I wanted to be a scientist and cure cancer. I worked in Social Security for a while and learned a lot about human nature and what people do when they are desperate for money (yell at people who are trying to help them). Then I got to be a scientist for a while, but it wasn't curing cancer. I didn't get the marks I needed to get into immunology. Instead I investigated sheep placentas and membranes. Good basic and surprisingly useful research. After that I worked in insurance and that was good in part because I got to learn a lot more about the human body and how body systems work, or don't as the case may be. Now I work in occupational hygiene developing online training courses and it allows me a whole range of freedoms, like I get to research stuff and draw stuff and design courses and implement them. It is actually a pretty good job match for me as it turns out.
|The frilliest daffodil ever!|
What do I like doing? Discovering interesting (to me) stuff. Researching things. Reading up on the natural world. Working out why people do the things they do. Playing with colour. Playing with yarn and fibre and fabric. Making things. Sharing the results of my researching and makings (honestly I love telling you all about the things I've been reading online, if I can remember them...). Growing things. Riding my bike (blast you stupid lungs). Travelling. Experiencing things in the different seasons. Experiencing the natural world, the play of light on water, light on plants, through leaves and flowers. Developing friendships and opening up to people. Learning to be me, whoever I might be at the time.
|Light through ornamental maple leaves.|
One of my friends on Ravelry asked "What would you do if you couldn't knit/spin/crochet/etc." And my honest answer is if I could not make things at all I'd either be dead or hope to be dead soon. If I couldn't knit or spin (my crochet is bad enough that it isn't a hobby but something I do when I have to), I listed a whole heap of things that I'd like to do instead.
"If it were only knitting and spinning that were out, I’d make more quilts and sew more and maybe do felting (wet and/or needle) and embroidery (not cross stitch because I am incapable of counting apparently) and bead and make jewellery and draw and take up glass blowing and do enamelling and glass etching and make buttons out things and do some woodworking and maybe a bit of metalworking… and learn how to paint watercolours… oh gosh, there are so many things I could do! (I love taking photos but I don’t see that as a crafty hobby.)" I think I should also add dyeing yarn, fibre and fabric to that list because it is fun and I love working out how to make the colours I want.
It's not like there aren't things I'd like to do, it is more a paralysis of choice.
|Water under the bridge, or more accurately|
over the spillway
All in all, I really think I should just get out there and do things and stop introverting so much. Stop being so self-centred and just do stuff! Get into the garden and start planting more things. Sort the wood scraps so that you can reclaim some of the yard and dig it up and plant things. (This is going to be a HUGE job cos the pile is as tall as me and wider and longer than I am tall.) Do more work. Participate in some of the local clubs and societies. Reciprocate when someone offers friendship - stop being a shy violet. (Haha, people laugh when I say I'm shy - they think I'm a rather loud clown but that is a very effective attempt at camouflage. It deflects people from seeing me.) Let go of the past, the mistakes made, the harsh lessons learned as a shy and sensitive child.
|Sky of om!|
Just get on with it!