It bites
(Not such a) G'day all!
I've been all of a twitch recently. I read my cancer's pathology report. Then I looked up research papers.
I wish I hadn't.
I know what the words mean.
Then, today the (recently stepped down) president of my footy team in Oz died of melanoma. He was only six months older than me and has been engaged in battle with the blasted thing for 2.5 years. RIP Jimmy Stynes. You will always be a legend.
Last year my fave footballer, who played alongside Jimmy and also came from Ireland (though he was technically Scottish), also died. He was a year older than me.
So I am all of a twitch. These deaths cut way too close to the bone.
People often tell me how well I deal with it all, the cancer stuff and all that crap. Y'know how I deal with it? In a good old-fashioned human way of ignoring it. It is too much to cope with, so I ignore it and hope that if I ignore it, it will forget about me.
I'm overdue for my 18 month checkup, due to the move overseas and trying to find a new oncologist and my records now having to play catch up before I can see anyone. My scar areas are really playing up as I've been doing a lot of different things, like unpacking boxes and organising things and sorting stuff and sewing and spinning (plus no chiropractic or massage for months, apart from what I can give myself).
So I am extra twitchy, which means doing more crafting. I'm sewing some curtains out of flannelette (flannel, in American) for our storage units in the loungeroom, I have started a new quilt top, I am knitting frantically on the sleeve of my new cardie, I am spinning yarn at a rate of knots, and of course I have NO pics at all of them because I've been entranced by the colours in the petals of the now blown tulips and have only taken pics of them. Typical! But being distractable is a good thing. Reduces my fussing level.
After all, fussing over things only makes it feel even worse. I have to remind myself one day at a time, one thing at a time.
anon!
I've been all of a twitch recently. I read my cancer's pathology report. Then I looked up research papers.
I wish I hadn't.
I know what the words mean.
Then, today the (recently stepped down) president of my footy team in Oz died of melanoma. He was only six months older than me and has been engaged in battle with the blasted thing for 2.5 years. RIP Jimmy Stynes. You will always be a legend.
Last year my fave footballer, who played alongside Jimmy and also came from Ireland (though he was technically Scottish), also died. He was a year older than me.
So I am all of a twitch. These deaths cut way too close to the bone.
People often tell me how well I deal with it all, the cancer stuff and all that crap. Y'know how I deal with it? In a good old-fashioned human way of ignoring it. It is too much to cope with, so I ignore it and hope that if I ignore it, it will forget about me.
I'm overdue for my 18 month checkup, due to the move overseas and trying to find a new oncologist and my records now having to play catch up before I can see anyone. My scar areas are really playing up as I've been doing a lot of different things, like unpacking boxes and organising things and sorting stuff and sewing and spinning (plus no chiropractic or massage for months, apart from what I can give myself).
So I am extra twitchy, which means doing more crafting. I'm sewing some curtains out of flannelette (flannel, in American) for our storage units in the loungeroom, I have started a new quilt top, I am knitting frantically on the sleeve of my new cardie, I am spinning yarn at a rate of knots, and of course I have NO pics at all of them because I've been entranced by the colours in the petals of the now blown tulips and have only taken pics of them. Typical! But being distractable is a good thing. Reduces my fussing level.
After all, fussing over things only makes it feel even worse. I have to remind myself one day at a time, one thing at a time.
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| Vale, Jim. |
anon!
Oh Lynne, I haven't been reading your blog long so missed hearing your cancer journey.
ReplyDeleteKeeping busy is a great strategy, hope it works for you :)
I heard t on the radio yesterday and I was very sad for his family and friends. I never let myself look up medical things on the internet. I just freak myself out!!!
ReplyDeleteIgnoring is a good strategy, I hope all your crafting is keeping your mind very occupied!!
I hope that your week has improved and that you get the records and medical stuff sorted out quickly.
ReplyDeleteHey Lynne,ment to leave a comment the other day but heres hoping your life has improved and that a little bit of sunshine is shining for you! Gentle hugs Cath
ReplyDelete